Why Men Run Early In A Relationship

How to keep him interestedFor men, a relationship is moment by moment. Unlike women, they do not look for meaning and significance early in a relationship.

As a result, even mild negative feelings can cause him to pull away or even run from a relationship.

Research has shown that men look for an upbeat, optimistic and positive attitude and energetic enjoyment of life as an attractive and desirable trait.

This is one of the reasons men often bolt when women engage in a tearful explanation of how his actions have hurt her feelings in some way.

Men feel overwhelmed by negative emotions so instead of sticking around to work things out, they simply vanish.

Men have been socialized to ignore their own emotions or worse yet, to bury them deep down. They are most certainly NOT supposed to talk about how they feel.

When a stressful situation about a relationship comes up, men become increasingly focused (on things other than the relationship) and withdrawn. Women on the other hand become emotionally overwhelmed and emotionally involved.

When a man gets upset, he would typically never talk about what is bothering him…even with another man. Instead, he becomes very quiet and withdraws to think about the problem to find a solution.

If he can’t find a solution, he’ll usually look to do something to forget his problems, like watching TV or playing a game.

When a woman is stressed, she instinctively feels a need to talk about her feelings and ALL possible problems associated with those feelings.

She does not prioritize the significance of any problem. If she upset, then she is upset about it all, big and small.

Unlike a man, she is not looking for a solution to her problem. She is simply seeking relief by expressing her feelings and being understood. This helps her feel less upset.

When a woman has a problem in her relationship, she wants to talk it over. A man on the other hand will feel as though she is holding him responsible for the problems.

Why?

Men talk about problems for two reasons. They are blaming someone or seeking advice.

So, when a woman is upset over her relationship with him, he feels as though she is blaming him. When he feels as though he is being blamed, he feels unappreciated and seeks to defend himself.

Early on in a relationship, men are on a mission to have fun and experience positive emotions. A desire for a relationship comes later.

Only after he has experienced an extended period of enjoying the positive surface level interactions with a woman, will his desire for a relationship emerge.

Women focus on making the relationship the best it can be right from the start. Sometimes that may be sorting through frustrated feelings and trying to improve the relationship.

Since a man is on a different timetable, he experiences this as negativity. As a result, he will often run away from the relationship when a woman allows her frustration or negative feelings show.

If you’re asking yourself “why can’t guys just grow up and see the value and importance of the one thing that matters more than anything in our lives, you are not alone. In fact, even though I’m a guy, I agree with you.

Unfortunately, if you decide to wait for that to happen, you’re probably going to have a long and lonely wait for “that’ guy to show up. Yes, they are out there but, they are a very rare breed.

If you truly want to enjoy an incredible relationship with a man, understanding how he thinks is only half the battle. You need to change how you interact with him and to change that, you need to change your mindset.

Instead of desiring a relationship outcome, focus on the type of life you want to live. If you learn to define yourself based on your values based direction you will find a sense of peace and enjoyment that can weather any storm, especially when it comes to relationships.

What are values based directions?

A values based direction is something that guides your behavior. Let me give you an example.

Pursuing a healthy lifestyle is a values based direction. You focus your energies on eating well, exercising and taking care of yourself. This is not a goal per se. A goal has an end in mind. Like I’m going to lose ten pounds in 30 days.

Since men look for an optimistic and positive attitude and energetic enjoyment of life as a desirable trait, having that as a values based directive can allow your relationship to blossom.

Your man will be much less likely to run from a relationship with a woman who seems genuinely upbeat most of the time.

Plus when your values based directives are in line with his, when you find a problem in the relationship, you are much more likely to be able to communicate with him without sending him running for the door.

The Ultimate Commitment Code

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