Why Men Pull Away And What You Can Do So It Never Happens Again

Let’s face it, we men can seem like real jerks sometimes.

One minute we seem devoted and loving, then suddenly…

…silence.

We don’t call, we don’t text…

…we simply disappear. Leaving you wondering WTF?

It’s frustrating and hurtful when a man does this. And while there is no excuse for this behavior…

…I’d like to at least shed some light on why men act this way.

Before we get to why he pulls away, it is important to understand…

The Five Stages Of Dating

If you’ve never read any of John Grays books, let me suggest you at least read Mars and Venus on a Date.

In it Dr. Gray discusses his five stages of dating and while I don’t completely agree with him…

…I do think it’s a helpful model to explain and understand how men and women interact during dating, from meeting to marriage.

The five stages he names are:

Stage One: Attraction
Stage Two: Uncertainty
Stage Three: Exclusivity
Stage Four: Intimacy
Stage Five: Engagement

Although I’m using Dr. Gray’s five stages as a framework, I’ve added my own insights to give you a deeper understanding from a male perspective…

…some of this information you may never have heard before.

Let me explain…

(If you want more specific information about the five stages of dating, again, I would highly recommend you pick up a copy of his book, “Mars and Venus on a Date”)

Stage One: Attraction

According to Dr. Gray, in stage one of dating, we experience our initial attraction to a potential partner. And I completely agree with this.

It’s understanding and explaining the experience of men that becomes so confusing, because…

…let’s face it…

…men and women are just wired differently.

We act differently in a relationship and neither men nor women, seem to understand the number one difference at this stage.

When a woman meets a man and feels a spark, chemistry, connection, for her

…it’s usually an emotional experience and she begins to become attracted to him.

For men, it’s a bit different.

With us, the spark, chemistry, connection is almost completely physical.

When a man feels a strong physical chemistry with a woman, he will do almost anything to be with her, make her happy and impress her.

Unfortunately, most women confuse this for affection or love. It is not…

…as men, we can feel strong passionate desire to be with a woman, without ANY consideration of who she is as a person. Because again…

for men, it’s physical chemistry first. When we feel it, we will show you our attention, interest and attraction.

Please understand, most men are NOT trying to trick you.

Yes, there are some “players” out there but, most men ARE interested in a long term relationship…

with the right woman.

When a man shows you his attention, interest and attraction, he is truly interested in you

…it’s just too soon for most men to have developed deep emotional feelings or at least similar feelings to the ones you have at this stage.

If He Pulls Away In Stage One

While there are exceptions to everything, the most likely reason he pulled away is…

…he’s just not that into you.

Please forgive me, for being so blunt…

…remember, whatever happened, it is most likely NOT YOUR FAULT.

For whatever his reason, it just wasn’t right for him and now…

…he realizes, he has to break things off with you and…

…he panics.

He begins to pull away or ghost and just disappears.

He realized the relationship wasn’t right for him…

…and rather than tell you and experience the hurt he believes he’s going to cause you…

…a man will stop calling and texting figuring, She’ll get the hint.

Yes, this is the coward’s way out.

Sadly, it is how men have been taught to cope with their emotions…avoid them at all costs.

Remember, regardless of how you felt about this man…

…if he does not treat you with respect…

…he is NOT WORTHY OF YOU!

Let’s move on to…

Stage Two: Uncertainty

As your relationship grows and you continue to get to know each other, you go from stage one to stage two, uncertainty.

It’s perfectly normal for both men and women to question the status of their relationship.

I’m sure you’ve been involved with someone and wondered, “is he right for me”?

Well it’s no different for men, except…

…the way men interact and communicate is dramatically different from how you, as a woman, interact and communicate.

When a woman becomes uncertain about things, she wants to talk about it and share her emotions.

And while that may be great with your girlfriends…

…typically, men do NOT like to talk things out or share their emotions (even with other men).

In fact, most men would rather chew their own arm off…

…rather than talk about their emotions…

…especially with a woman he’s supposed to be a strong manly man with.

 

If He Pulls Away In Stage 2: He Needs Space

For a man, he needs some space to figure things out on his own and once he does…

…if he realizes he’s missing the emotional spark, chemistry, connection he’ll come back to you.

Important: If he does come back…

…you may feel compelled to tell him how he upset you, when he pulled away.

Do NOT do it!

I told you earlier how men deal with emotions…they avoid them.

If he believes he’s caused you emotional pain, he will most likely pull away again, just to avoid the experience.

If he doesn’t miss the emotional spark…

…unfortunately…

…he will probably ghost you or simply fade away…

…without ever telling you why.

Communicating with your man at this point can be dangerous.

What you say and how you communicate can either pull him back or push him even further away.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

Sometimes, months after he ghosts you, a man may come back but…

…it’s highly unlikely anything has changed for him.

He most likely just misses the physical attraction and he’ll pull away exactly the same way again.

Stage Three: Exclusivity

Even if you and your man are exclusive and…

…he feels more certain about your relationship, he will likely still pull away from time to time…

…unless you understand how to motivate him through his drives…

…more on that later.

Unlike women, men generally distance themselves from relationships when they feel overwhelmed.

When a man has stress at work or when he has ANY challenge that needs his attention and focus…

he typically stops communicating and pulls away emotionally.

Again, your natural inclination is to talk things out, and while it would probably benefit him…

most men simply aren’t emotionally evolved enough to realize this.

Let’s face it, you women are waaaaay more emotionally evolved than most men.

And, just like in stage two…

…he needs some space to figure things out on his own and once he does he’ll come back to you.

Again, communicating with your man at this point can be dangerous.

What you say and how you communicate can either pull him back or push him even further away. 

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

Sometimes, it seems like a man is pulling away when he’s really not. Let me explain…

When You Think He’s Pulling Away But He’s Not

At some point, hopefully, your man becomes secure in your relationship.

When that happens…

…he may mistakenly assume he’s done with his pursuit and stop trying to win you over.

Most men only do the little romantic things, until a woman accepts him, then he thinks he can relax.

This is NOT him pulling away, it’s him being clueless that…

…he still needs to pursue you.

Unfortunately, and in all likelihood…

…you will probably have to learn how to gently guide him in the right direction so he continues to be romantic.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

Later Stages

In later stages of the relationship, men typically pull away for the same reasons as stage two and three…

Remember, unlike women, men generally distance themselves from relationships when they feel overwhelmed.

Until men learn how to communicate and share their emotions better, they will continue to pull away (at least emotionally).

Later in this post I’m going to show you how to pull him closer BEFORE he pulls away.

Now that you understand why men pull away, let me tell you…

What NOT To Do When He Pulls Away

I realize how…

…when a man pulls away…

…you can become anxious and your emotions might get the better of you.

Hopefully, you now have a sense of what he’s thinking and maybe it can reduce your anxiety.

Listen, we have all been in a relationship where…

…the other person pulled away and we have no idea why (yes, even us men).

We have all experienced the anxiety this causes (yes, even us men).

We have all experienced the mayhem it causes in our own lives…

…when we let our emotions get the better of us and we end up thinking, at least to ourselves:

”I sure wish I had handled THAT better!” (yes, even us men)

Do NOT Constantly Call Or Text Him.

Sure, it’s OK to reach out once or twice as long as you do it the RIGHT way.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

If you’ve reached out once or twice and his response is lacking or non-existent…

…then unless you’re in Stage One (see above), give him some space.

Remember, when a man has a challenge, with work or his personal life…

…he doesn’t want to talk with anyone about it…

…he wants to be left alone to figure it out on his own.

He’s Pulled Away…Now What?

What you do and how to communicate with him, depends on…

…HIS stage in the relationship.

I’ll get more specific in a minute, but first…

Regardless of YOUR stage in the relationship…

…your man just hurt you, he pulled away and…

…he didn’t communicate anything to you. He left you wondering…

“what just happened?”

Your emotions have just been triggered and you want to act according to those emotions…STOP!

Don’t do it!

If you allow your emotions to take over, then everything you’ve just learned is lost.

This Is THE Hardest Part

I realize controlling your emotions is way harder

…for you, as a woman, than for ANY man.

Still, other women have learned to do it and you can too.

I believe in you!

When we allow our emotions to take control…

…our inner crazy comes out (we all have one)…

…and let’s face it, our inner crazy is…

…well…

crazy

…who knows what will happen then.

By controlling your emotions, you can figure out what stage he’s in…

…and follow the steps I’m going to show you.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

What To Do When He Is In Stage One

You probably already realize what the answer here is…

…move on.

The hard part is…your feelings are still there and they really hurt.

Before we go any further let me be clear:

It IS OK to cry! In fact, it’s imperative.

Here’s why…

When we avoid our painful emotions…

…the ones that make us cry…

…we block off the pain and it gets stuck inside us.

But it gets worse…

…the hurt of every past relationship is added to the pain of the most recent one in a snowball effect.

It could be very beneficial to work with someone who can help you release all that past pain. 

One of the ways to release the pain is to allow it to come up…

…and release it.

When it comes up, allow yourself the release and just cry your eyes out!

I’m NOT ashamed to admit, as a man, I cry all the time.

I allow the emotions to wash over me and release any trapped pain.

Remember, it’s OK to cry…

…it’s NOT ok to release the inner crazy.

Before I reveal how to move on, Let’s look at…

What To Do When He Is In Stage Two

When he’s in stage two, hope for the best and…

…prepare for the worst!

If you remember, in stage two, men typically pull away because they are unsure of the relationship and…

…need some time to figure things out.

If he realizes he’s missing the emotional spark, chemistry, connection, he’ll come back to you…

…if not, he’s going to fade away or disappear.

Reaching out to your man via text, phone or email can often make things worse.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

By beginning to move on…

…if he comes back…

…and you still want a relationship with this man, great, if not, you can feel OK about it.

Remember what I said earlier…any man who does not treat you with respect is NOT worthy of you!

Moving On

When you realize it’s time to move on, your emotions are probably the most raw.

You need to do two things.

First – You Must Allow Yourself To Grieve

You’ve probably heard other people tell you to…

…“forget about him” or he’s not worth it”…

…and while they mean well, they forget…

…YOU feel the pain…

…YOU feel the loss.

When we feel pain from a loss, we MUST grieve to release the pain and hurt.

The secret is to NOT to wallow in pity and despair…

…to accomplish that you need the second thing…

You Need To Distract Yourself

Regardless of what stage your relationship is in…

…if your man pulls away, you need to learn to distract yourself.

Why?

Because, it takes your mind off your emotional hurt and…

…it helps to keeps your inner crazy calm and tamed.

Distracting yourself allows you time to grieve, so you can…

…cry and release the pain and…

…avoid dwelling on those emotions all day and night.

The Most Important Part

Do whatever it takes to get your mind focused on something other than him.

Pick up a new hobby.

Whether it’s writing, painting, a new sport or just taking a walk in the fresh air…

…a new activity will change up your routine and take your mind off whatever pain you might be feeling.

It’s crucial you stay focused on the things that bring you joy and avoid things that make your pain worse.

Work. It. Out.

On those mornings when you don’t want to leave your bed after a breakup (and trust me, there will be those days), go to the gym.

Going to the gym can motivate you, shows you physical results and helps your mental state at the same time.

Plus, the endorphins released during a workout will lift your mood.

Surround yourself with friends and family.

Please, be very selective and careful here.

You want your friends and family to distract you from thinking about your breakup.

Avoid discussing your relationship with your friends and family. While they have the best of intentions, they will most likely NOT have the best advice.

Start Dating Again

In “Getting to ‘I Do’”, Dr. Patricia Allen discusses Duty Dating.

She coined the term to describe the practice of dating to nurture and develop your dating skills.

In other words…

…you go on dates to fill your time and stay in practice.

Even if you are so heartbroken, you have absolutely no desire to date. Date to distract your heart from the pain.

It’s OK if you have overwhelming thoughts of your ex…

…it’s OK if you feel nothing towards your date…

When a man asks you out on a date…

…he’s asking you to “try him out”…

…if your interested great, if not…

…oh well…

…he was probably just happy for the opportunity.

And you never know…you may just meet the right man for you.

What To Do When He Is In Stage Three and Beyond

Unfortunately, there’s not much more you can do at this point other than to wait it out.

The best way to do that is to use the moving on strategies above (other than dating of course).

Once he’s pulled away…

…he needs some space to figure things out on his own. 

Contacting him when he’s pulled away can be difficult.

Too many women end up pushing her man even further away when she contacts him. There is a subtle art to contacting any man when he pulls away.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)

What you really need to do is…

Stop Him BEFORE He Pulls Away

I’m sure your thinking…

…”that sounds great, how am I supposed to do that?”

You need to learn how to communicate with him and then…

…teach him how to communicate with you.

I wish I could tell you he’ll figure it out on his own but…

…the chances are pretty darn slim.

If you want to learn how to communicate with him, you need to understand…

What Drives Him

If you want a man to desire being in a committed relationship with you…

…you must first understand what drives him.

When you understand his drives, you can better motivate and guide him where you want him to go.

So, what drives him?

Unlike women, men are motivated when they feel needed.

They draw deep feelings and emotions from meaningful achievement…

…being a provider and earning respect.

It is critical to understand…

…men do NOT see a relationship as fulfilling the same way women do.

Let’s look at his top three drives together.

His Top Three Drives

The top three drives you’ll want to focus on are:

  1. The drive for meaningful achievement  For men, meaningful achievement can be about career success, his status in his group of friends or athletic achievements like running a marathon.
  2. The drive to be meaningful provider  For men, being a meaningful provider means you gladly accept his drive to provide for you by sharing your needs and valuing what he has to offer you.
  1. The drive to receive respect  He feels he’s earned your respect when you demonstrate that you recognize his ability and willingness to do the two things listed above.

Let’s go over how to use these drives to nurture him the RIGHT way.

Nurture His Emotional Connection

You nurture his emotional connection with you…

…by motivating him through his drives. Let me explain…

As we discussed earlier…

…men draw deep feelings and emotions from meaningful achievement, being a provider and earning respect.

…you want to tie those deep feelings and emotions to you.

Here’s how:

Let’s use his first drive, meaningful achievement, to nurture his emotional connection to you.

Meaningful achievement could be social status within his group of friends or…

…his status in his relationship with you.

When he feels needed in his relationship with you and…

…you allow him to feel successful in fulfilling that need…

He feels manly, empowered and desirable

…because he gained your approval as someone useful.

Ask For Help

Here’s an example of how to use his second drive to nurture his emotional connection to you: Nothing makes a man feel more useful than helping a woman.

And it doesn’t have to be anything big. Let me give you an example…

At a recent theta healing workshop, while we were on a break, a woman came up to me and said:

“Excuse me, I can’t seem to open this bottle…could you help a damsel in distress?”

I opened the bottle for her, she smiled, said thank you and walked away.

During the break, I noticed myself glancing at her again and again. There was something about this woman that intrigued me and…

…at the time, I had no idea what it was.

It wasn’t until the flight home…

…I realized the simple thing she did.

She politely asked me for help and…

…by asking to help a damsel in distress, it put my drive to be a meaningful provider into overdrive.

If asking a total stranger has such a strong effect, imagine how powerful it will be with a man who’s interested in you.

Warning: Like anything else, be careful not to overdo a good thing. If you ask for help too much, you’ll appear needy and high maintenance.

By tapping into his drives in this way, you help him connect with you on a deep emotional level

…which means he’s less likely to pull away.

Now What?

I’ve told you why men pull away, what to do when they pull away and how to stop them from pulling away.

I hope I’ve been able to help you understand a little better…

…why we men do some of the crazy things we do and…

…given you some tools to help you if he does pull away. I’ve also told you what you can do to keep him from pulling away.

Like everything else in life, relationships are about the journey, NOT the destination. They allow you to learn and grow. It takes some effort to make a relationship work.

By learning to understand and communicate with us men…

…you can have everything you ever dreamt of in a relationship.

(NOTE: Want to discover how to stop dating the wrong men and finally attract your soulmate… without games, frustration or heartache, check out this free training)