5 Signs You’re Dating Mr. Wrong

One of the hardest things to do is walk away from a relationship that isn’t right. You know it’s time to move on but you can’t quite make the move.

You think to yourself “What if I’m wrong? What if I can’t find someone better? Maybe I’m having unrealistic expectations?”

SO many people feel that being alone is the worst possible thing and there is some truth to that but…

…staying in a bad relationship is even worse. How do I know?

I stayed in a 16 year marriage about 15 years too long. The longer I stayed the harder it became to leave.

There are many reasons I didn’t leave sooner. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to have to deal with the pain of divorce. I didn’t want to be alone…and on and on.

In my opinion, the longer you wait, the more heartbreak you experience once it finally ends. Breaking up is hard enough without mourning the loss of all the time you wasted, time you can never get back.

When I finally asked for a divorce, I looked back on the time (as I said 15 years) I wasted and was mortified.

The amazing thing is, my ex-wife was unhappy too. Not as long as I was, but for 5 years or more. She did the same thing. She couldn’t get herself to pull the trigger and end it either.

Both of us stayed in an unhappy relationship far longer than we should have and it’s because of this that I want to help you save yourself from the same heartache I went through.

Here are 5 ways to know if your relationship isn’t right for you.

You Make Excuses For Being Treated Badly

Are you always explaining to your friends, family or both, that your partner is just tired or stressed — saying that’s why they’re being rude to you or not making the effort?

Chances are, if this is happening, we won’t want to admit it. We either make excuses for their bad behavior, or pretend it isn’t happening at all. In this instance, you really need to take a look at why you’re trying to bail this person out all the time.

When I was with my ex-wife, she treated me horribly. Everything was about her and her needs. I was treated at best as a second class citizen.

When people would ask me why I allowed myself to be treated this way, I would respond with “Oh, she’s got a lot on her plate and doesn’t know how to handle it. She doesn’t really mean what she said.”

I would tell myself that she was a good person at heart (which she is) and she just needs to get her act together. This went on for more years than I care to think about.

If this is happening to you, I’d like to suggest you sit down and take a good hard look at your relationship and ask yourself why you’re really still with this person.

Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

Pay attention if you’re the one always making the effort. Whether you’ve been dating for five days or five years, it should still be a two-way street. “You can generally use your own feelings and comfort level as a good yardstick,”

Early in my relationship with my ex-wife, I would buy her all sorts of gifts. I bought her flowers, I took her on trips, I bought her jewelry, etc. She on the other hand never got a thing for me.

I had to say something to her about it before she even began to do the smallest of things for me. I felt resentful for her lack of desire to do things for me.

While I didn’t think she was a selfish person (I feel differently today), I would think maybe she was just to wrapped up in her problems to think about doing things for me.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who you seem to do everything for and they do nothing to just the bare minimum, it may be time to end things.

You Don’t Trust Him

Other than maybe love, there is nothing more important in a relationship than trust. You should feel safe and secure in your relationship. You should NOT feel panicked and on edge about your man and what he’s doing/up to.

If you don’t believe the things he tells you or are always questioning his motives and his whereabouts, there is something majorly amiss. You can’t spend your life constantly on the lookout, that’s just exhausting.

Sometimes lack of trust comes from previous relationships or family life (maybe your father cheated on your mother or vice versa). If this is the case you need to do some self-work to resolve your trust issues. However…

In most cases where there is a lack of trust, it’s because of something substantial. Maybe he cheated, maybe you caught him in a few too many lies.

Sometimes it’s something that lingers in the pit of your stomach. Even though you can’t quantify the reason, you just don’t feel like you can trust this person.

Either way, it’s a big red flag and a major sign that your relationship isn’t going to last.

If he cheated or lied to you, then you have a major hurdle to overcome. If you don’t think you can truly move past it and/or you don’t believe he’ll never do it again, it’s time to move on.

“Sticking it out”, is just setting yourself up to feel paranoid and insecure. Relationships are supposed to bring out your best, not your worst.

If you can’t quite pinpoint the reason for your trust issues, you should listen to your gut. Our instincts can be incredibly powerful. Just make sure you aren’t projecting your own insecurities onto him and aren’t making him pay for the sins of cheating/lying ex boyfriends past.

No Depth of Connection

While sexual chemistry is extremely important, that alone can NOT sustain a relationship.

An amazing sex life is only one piece of the relationship puzzle, yet many couples only have that in their relationship. I know so many women who got so wrapped up in the intoxicating sexual chemistry that they missed all the signs that he wasn’t the one.

For any relationship to last, you need a powerful, deep connection. You need to know your man intimately and by intimately, I’m not talking about sexually.

You need to know what your man wants in life, what his hopes, dreams and fears are. You need to connect in an honest, open, unguarded way.

Every person has many layers. Some people only see the surface layer, fewer people see what lies beneath that and fewer still see straight to your core. The last category is where you and your man should be.

Just knowing the basics about someone is a great start but…you need to know your man (and he you) at a much deeper level. If you don’t your relationship may last but it will be empty at best.

This issue is one that can be fixed. Try to make an effort to connect to him in a real way. If he resists, or you still don’t feel like you guys are connecting in a significant way, then it means he’s probably not that invested in your or the relationship. Or maybe you’re just not the right fit for one another.

Attraction and sexual chemistry are never enough to sustain a relationship. If that’s all you have it’s fine, but you might want to move on if you’re serious about finding the one.

Lack of Respect

Respect is the most overlooked element when it comes to making a relationship work, but it’s one of the most essential. If you’re going to have a long-lasting, healthy relationship, you must respect your partner and he must respect you.

Respect is huge for guys. It’s the number one thing men want out of their relationship (for women it’s love). In a recent study when asked what was the most important thing for them in a relationship 96% of men said respect.

For a man to feel like a man, he needs to feel respected. If you don’t respect him, he will notice and will bail on the relationship. Besides, if you don’t respect him…why would you want to be with him in the first place?

It is just as important for your man to respect you. This means he respects you as a person, respects your beliefs, respects you aspiration, and especially, your boundaries.

Without mutual respect there is no relationship that will stand the test of time.

Remember, you deserve to be loved and cherished. Before you try to win him over or win him back, make sure he truly deserves you. If not, move on. There is a man out there that is ready and willing to treat you like the goddess you are.